November.

Wow, its been a while since I've written. A lot has happened in the past month. I do not feel like recapping everything that has happened.

I have so many emotions going through me. Love, angry, hope, sorrow, loneliness, happiness, bitterness, and then a nice big helping of confusion to top it all off. It seems that everything has changed into something different, and yet everything is still exactly the the same as it was. Every day is a new adventure but feels the same as the last. Same place, same people, same conversations. Same ideas, same dreams, same fears.

This place that I am at is different then were I was a few months ago, but I find myself pondering over the same questions. The answers I have not yet found. And I am making the same mistakes I have made in the past. I do not want to keep repeating history. Though moving on into some unknown territory altogether frightens me. To go somewhere I have never been, to face the obstacles that will come, I wonder if I will be able to make the right decisions.

Hello, July.

It is a new month. Which brings new adventures, new experiences, new mistakes, new lessons and all sorts of new memories to be made some good and some bad. I am all together excited to see what the month of July holds for me. Will it bring a job? Will I finally get everything done for school? And I am so anxious to see how my relationship with James will grow, I fall deeper in love with him each day. He really is such a blessing. I thank God for bringing him into my life.

Also, I have decided a few things. I am really going to take action, buckle down, and get some things taken care of. I am going to start eating healthier and shed some of these fatty pounds. I am going to work my butt off to find a job that pays better then babysitting (60 bucks a week, some times a bit more.) I need to get a job and start saving for an apartment. I will get out of this house by the end of the year. And with some determination and hard work, I know I can do it! I will do it. I have to. My sanity is at risk.

I welcome July with open arms and an open mind. I will embrace this month. I will work towards making my dreams come true. It starts now.

Rantings.

What happens if you live like there is no tomorrow? Say everything you ever wanted to without worrying about the outcome. Love like you had nothing left to lose, and all that mattered in the world was the love you shared with someone special. Would it be so hard to throw all our worries to the wind? To just live without a care in our minds? To know that everyday is a new beginning, and the problems of the day before stayed in yesterday. The only things that matter are what is in Today. Not to dwell on the stories that Yesterday hangs on to, and not to worry about the mysteries that Tomorrow keeps hidden. Why must we constantly brood over the unknown and the past we can not change, or the circumstance we have no control over? If we all just took the time to take in the day and to live life to the fullest each day, would that really be a horrid thing? 

Now, I'm not saying to live without responsibility. But we should live without regret for things that made us happy at the time. Everything we have done had a purpose and at that time in our life it was all we ever wanted and could hope to have. Why would you regret something that made you feel complete, even if for all the wrong reasons. For a small moment it made you feel...something. To feel something, good or bad, is infinitely better then being void of emotion and being numb and cold to the world. Everyone is entitled to Live, that is our basic Human Right. Why should anyone deny a Human the right to Live. 

We must not cheapen this precious gift. By worrying and brooding for the terrible past or what could have been. We need to learn to forgive and forget. It is hard to forgive another human but is equally difficult, if not more so, to forgive ourselves. But we can not move forward in our lives without learning to Forgive. A human can not hope to live a happy life knowing that forgiveness is due in some area of his life. 

Again, I am NOT saying live without responsibility. Every Human is responsible for his own actions, words, and thoughts. You must take and treat that responsibility with respect. Everyone is Human, therefore everyone deserves respect just as you yourself deserves respect. If everyone was given the respect they deserve...oh how we could change the world! If everyone was treated like the Human Being that they are, I know the world would change for the better. If everyone could just let go of the past, of some one's failures, and just realize we are all Imperfect Humans, the change we would bring about is beyond what I can imagine. The hope we would have as a Species is immense.

Sadly, I know that none of this is completely possible. Because of the simple fact that we ARE Imperfect Humans.