not sure what to call this one.

Life is an adventure. I have been pretty busy this past month. Working, working and squeezing in time for friends. I have not had the time to write or take photos in a long time. I have not updated my flickr since...July. That makes me very sad. Work is slowing down, which is not so grand for my bank account (I plan on looking for a second job, perhaps be a waitress.) Business should pick up again in November. However, during the down time I will have more time for the people and things I love. More time for friends, the Nikon and of course my love James. I am looking forward to being able to take time out of my day to do all the things I have missed. I will have to try to save my money though, easier said than done.

So much has happened in the past month. I do not plan to document all the events that have taken place. I simply had the urge to write and update my wee blog. I feel I have neglected my blog greatly so far this year. For that I am sorry. I started this for myself as a way to document the event in my life and the random little thoughts that flood my mind. Writing more often on this blog is something I will work very hard to accomplish. My hope was to post at least once a week and I am going to try and do just that.

Oh, and on a side note...ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL BEATLES ROCKBAND HITS STORES!!!!

I am very excited about this.

"You say you want a revolution
Well you know
we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be alright"

I can not wait. It's going to be amazing.

wonderfully amazing.

In the midst of all the turmoil that my family is going through, it was hard to find a reason to smile. A reason to be happy. A reason not to cry. These past few day have been wonderful. But yesterday takes the cake by far. 

This past weekend I met someone who changed my life for the better. I had all but settled for the attention I thought I deserved. I am so very glad I met this person when I did, before it was too late. He has captivated me in a way I never thought possible. He is the single most amazing man I have ever met. He treats me the way I have always dreamed of being treated. He makes me feel so incredibly special. And in turn, I have made him extremely happy. We have found happiness in each other. I am thoroughly excited to see what the future holds for us. I am ready to begin this new life and relationship with this amazing man.

We met this weekend. Talked. Hung out. And yesterday, he asked me to be his. I said yes. Of course, I was nervous. Not knowing what would happen next. Saying yes has proven to be the best decision I have made in my life thus far. He is so wonderful. I can not get over how lucky I am to have him. Its hard to believe that I would find someone like him. Me...I've always settled, never had what I really wanted. Never felt like I was getting treated the way I deserved to be. Because, quite frankly, I do not believe I deserve to be treated so wonderfully. I'm happy that despite what I might think, he still treats me with such care and devotion. I can only imagine how time will make our relationship grow.

This wonderful week can be summed up in two words: James Miller.

when things need to be fixed.

Today is a new day, today I thought through some things that have been nagging at my mind. I went to Goodwill and dropped off some clothes, headed to Sonic, bought a half-priced strawberry slushie, then drove to my favorite hang out, Playscape. Being outside in this lovely fall weather really helped clear my head. I walked about Playscape taking photos of the sights that facinated me. I found a nice picnic table and smoked some cigs. There is where I did my thinking.

There are several areas in my life that need fixing. The most important aspect of my life that desperatly needs fixing is my walk with God. I miss feeling close to Him, the way I was when I was younger. I do not know when I started to turn my back on God, but no longer do I want to live like this. All the loniness, sorrow, fear, hopeless, and regret. I no longer want to be a slave to those feelings. All the hurt that I have experienced in my young life, I want God to heal my scares. He is the only one that is capable of healing my broken heart. No boy, drug, alcohol, music, book or friend can fully heal me. Only God can bring me the peace that I so desperatly long for. Only God can silence the screams on my inner demons that tell me I am worthless. Only God can reach down and pluck me out of my darkness. I call out to Him, and I know He hears. I know that with His help alone, can I turn my life around. With His strength alone can I make it through another tragic day. With His love alone can my heart be healed into on piece. Only after God has helped me back on my feet, can I ever be fit to love anyone. From today on, I will with God's love and help turn my life around. I want to be seen as a Child of God, not as a child of the Devil.

I have lived a dishonoring life for far to long. I want my life to be fixed before its to late. I need to be fixed before something horrid happens to me. I want to be a living testimony of the Lord's power.