its funny.

How easily we fall back into things. How that door that has been closed for months now always seems to be cracked open again and again. What are we doing? I'm unsure, but I do enjoy this game we play. Perhaps it will lead somewhere...perhaps..one day...

Its rather exciting. Its rather scary. Its rather...dangerous. And I love every moment of it.

Paper Heart and Love and Mushy Stuff.

Today, I watched Paper Heart. It was a cute movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked listening to all the people's stories about their loves. It was interesting to hear all the different takes on love. What it is, how you know its real and all that mushy stuff. They all mentioned some sort of realization point. Some described it as a spark or lightening bolt. (What's with love and electricity? Hm, peculiar.) I think of my realization point more like running face first into a glass door. You don't know its there until it hits you in the face...really hard. Love is an odd thing. I do not fully understand it and I do not think I ever will which is just fine with me. Some things are not meant to be understood.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend."

- The Moldy Peaches

^ That is how I think of my love.

The Darkness.

The darkness consumed her. She opened her eyes, nothing. She closes them again, and waits a few moments. Opens her eyes, nothing. Why is it so dark? She walks forward with her hands held out in front of her. So much darkness around her, she can feel it. As though the darkness had form to it, how can that be? Blindly she stumbles through the foreboding darkness that surrounds and intrudes her. This feeling, could the darkness be penetrating her body? She gasps for air, but none will enter her lungs. Falling to the ground, she coughs and wheezes in feeble attempts to force air into her lungs. She looks anxiously around for someone to help her. All she can see is that disgusting darkness mocking her. The sounds of laughter creep into her ears. Haunting eerie laughter. She shudders and tries to cover her ears with her hands, but her arms are heavy. No matter how hard she tries, she can not lift them off the ground. Tears start to roll down her face, is this the end?

"It can not be," she gasps, "I am too young.."

The darkness grows, moves, and takes shape. Thousands of black Shadows dance around her, through her. She screams, but makes no sound. The only sound that can be heard is the chilling laughter of the Shadows as they dance wickedly about her.

"Why? Why is this happening?" She sobs, and pleads with the Shadows. "Please, help me! I just want to go home."

"Silly, stupid girl! You should not be surprised by our presence." The voices of the Shadows screech and hiss taunting the poor creature. "Pathetic girl, you brought this fate upon yourself! You were told there would be consequences for your foolish actions. Luckily for us you did not heed the warnings!"

The Shadows swirl around her japing at her with long claws. She tries to scream but alas no sound is able to escape her lips. Moving, twisting, tearing, destroying. Chaos. The Shadows consume the girl. Ripping her apart limb by limb. Devouring every piece of flesh until nothing of that poor girl remains.

Silence.

swirling, twirling

I feel its time to dismantle. To begin anew.

"Leave those bad ideas in your troubled head."

Oh, and I am thoroughly excited about my Toms shoes and Alice in Wonderland tonight.

there was so little left to give.

I may not have much, but what I have I'll give to you.

Warm days. I'm so ready for Spring. Even more ready for Summer.

Sunshine, won't you be my lover.

I'm so scatter brained.

flickr.

When did life get so complicated?

Precious and fragile things.

"Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to You?

We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put You through...

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for You

If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's Your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray You learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in Your heart for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give"

"Precious" - Depeche Mode

I feel as though this song was written for me, and other children like me. Children that had to go through divorce, especially at a young age. There is a sense of innocence to the song as though it is meant to explain the harsh reality of the world to those too young to fully understand the sad truths.

I wish someone had tried to explain those things to me, or at least I wish I could remember someone taking the time to try. Everything surrounding my parents divorce has long since abandoned my mind. I remember nothing from the years before or immediately after.