Paper Heart and Love and Mushy Stuff.

Today, I watched Paper Heart. It was a cute movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked listening to all the people's stories about their loves. It was interesting to hear all the different takes on love. What it is, how you know its real and all that mushy stuff. They all mentioned some sort of realization point. Some described it as a spark or lightening bolt. (What's with love and electricity? Hm, peculiar.) I think of my realization point more like running face first into a glass door. You don't know its there until it hits you in the face...really hard. Love is an odd thing. I do not fully understand it and I do not think I ever will which is just fine with me. Some things are not meant to be understood.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend."

- The Moldy Peaches

^ That is how I think of my love.

this feeling.

I feel so strange. i do not know what it is really. Sadness. Loneliness. Emptiness. Loss. I am a void, yet overflowing. I want to laugh; I want to cry. I want lay down, yet I want to dance. I want to be alone, but I long to be held. This feeling. I can feel it in my stomach, in my heart, and it grabs hold on me to the point that I do not know what to do. I am at a loss. I do not know what to think. I do not know what to do. I simply do not know. I  feel so helpless. And yet, all I want to do is dance to the lovely sounds that fill my ears. The soothing sounds of music that remind me of happier times. 

To just forget everything, and dance.

you.

"I'll be yours forever, just tell me when to start." - The Honorary Title

It's true. All you have to do is tell me.. For some odd reason, I trust you. You did nothing to earn or lose it. It did not take me years to trust you as it normally does. For some strange reason, I trusted you from the beginning. To tell you the truth, it scares me more than anything. I've never had this happen to me before. This feeling is altogether new to me. It gives me an odd feeling in my stomach. Not a sickly feeling, not a warm feeling, I do not know how to explain it. But it does not feel wrong or bad, just different from anything I have experienced.