yummy.

I really like powdered donuts! I have white powder all over my pants, hands, and face. Sometimes you need to not take life so seriously. Just eat some powdered donuts and laugh at the white powder that somehow made its way to your forehead.

I do really love life. Even if at times it throws me some huge trials to deal with.

new/old style.

This past Tuesday, I got my hair did! Yep, I finally had my hair cut ad styled. I went back to rocking the super short hair. I really do love it ever so much. Cory is an amazing stylist. It was exciting to have him cut my hair. He cut all of it with a razor, it was trippy. Never had that done before, but I do love the outcome. I have a new/old style. New because it has never quite looked like this (I'm rocking the fauxhawk at the moment); old because I have had short hair in the past. 

I am excited about my new/old hair.

Rantings.

What happens if you live like there is no tomorrow? Say everything you ever wanted to without worrying about the outcome. Love like you had nothing left to lose, and all that mattered in the world was the love you shared with someone special. Would it be so hard to throw all our worries to the wind? To just live without a care in our minds? To know that everyday is a new beginning, and the problems of the day before stayed in yesterday. The only things that matter are what is in Today. Not to dwell on the stories that Yesterday hangs on to, and not to worry about the mysteries that Tomorrow keeps hidden. Why must we constantly brood over the unknown and the past we can not change, or the circumstance we have no control over? If we all just took the time to take in the day and to live life to the fullest each day, would that really be a horrid thing? 

Now, I'm not saying to live without responsibility. But we should live without regret for things that made us happy at the time. Everything we have done had a purpose and at that time in our life it was all we ever wanted and could hope to have. Why would you regret something that made you feel complete, even if for all the wrong reasons. For a small moment it made you feel...something. To feel something, good or bad, is infinitely better then being void of emotion and being numb and cold to the world. Everyone is entitled to Live, that is our basic Human Right. Why should anyone deny a Human the right to Live. 

We must not cheapen this precious gift. By worrying and brooding for the terrible past or what could have been. We need to learn to forgive and forget. It is hard to forgive another human but is equally difficult, if not more so, to forgive ourselves. But we can not move forward in our lives without learning to Forgive. A human can not hope to live a happy life knowing that forgiveness is due in some area of his life. 

Again, I am NOT saying live without responsibility. Every Human is responsible for his own actions, words, and thoughts. You must take and treat that responsibility with respect. Everyone is Human, therefore everyone deserves respect just as you yourself deserves respect. If everyone was given the respect they deserve...oh how we could change the world! If everyone was treated like the Human Being that they are, I know the world would change for the better. If everyone could just let go of the past, of some one's failures, and just realize we are all Imperfect Humans, the change we would bring about is beyond what I can imagine. The hope we would have as a Species is immense.

Sadly, I know that none of this is completely possible. Because of the simple fact that we ARE Imperfect Humans.

the cure.

Mmm. The Cure. Their haunting melodies make my heart melt. The perfect way to end a crazy weekend: Sitting under a blanket listening to my The Cure Station on Pandora Radio. Oh, how i enjoy these hauntingly peaceful sounds. I am content with my being.

I added a new piece of metal to my body. I do adore my ear cartilage ring. It has become a part of me.

quite frankly.

I miss you. I care for you. I think about you often. I enjoy being near you. I have trouble sleeping at night because I can not get you off my mind. I wonder if you also think of me. I am crazy about you. I wish I knew how you feel about me. This not knowing for certain is driving me insane. I believe that you are absolutely amazing. I enjoy our little outings ever so much. Every moment I spend by your side is remarkable. I wish they could last forever. You bring a smile to my face every time I see you, think about you, hear about you and talk about you. I can not even say your name without smiling immensely. The sound of your voice is lovely. I could go on and on about how splendid you are.

Quite frankly, It comes down to this: I love you.

Now if only I could muster up the courage to say this to you.

believe.

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for
Its already done

"Believe" by the Bravery.

This song portrays how I have been feeling as of late. I long to find something to live for. I want to be able to feel safe and secure in my relationships.

I want to know how it is that you feel. I know what I am feeling is real. I love you, and that terrifies me deeply. I am petrified of loosing you. The thought makes me cringe and the tears flow from my eyes. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I would spend every moment by your side if I was able to do so. I want to bring you happiness.

My Dear, I love you. I am terrified. I do not know how you feel. I am all together frightened of revealing my feeling to you, for fear of rejection.

I want our love to be the "something to believe in." I never want to be without you.

everything.

Everything about you makes me smile. Your quirky sense of humor, your eccentric mannerism, your goofy little smile that you try so hard to hide, everything makes me grin uncontrollably. The way you look when you are "mad" at me makes me want to giggle. You make me entirely happy. I am so happy to know you, and to have you in my life. You brighten my day immensely. I can not bare the thought of ever losing you. Yet, I can not dare to bring myself to say those words that linger at the corners of my mind, the tip of my tongue, the edge of my heart. 

I wish I was brave enough to tell you...everything.