The Smiths.

"Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm"

- The Smiths.

Why do I feel so alone? All I want is some security. To love and be loved in return. When the day comes that I truly feel that I have found what I am looking for, I will be immensely happy. No words can describe the longing in the pit of my stomach. There is nothing that I desire more then to bring another person happiness, security and to love that person with all my heart till the end of my days.

i wish...

I lived alone. I love my grandma, but I do wish I lived alone. I like having the house to myself. I dislike being cooped up in my room, but I do not want to be around people all the time. 

I wish I had a nice little house all to myself. That would be just dandy. Oh, and I would have a nifty kitty as well.

She's still too young.

I kissed your mouth
You do not need me

I was listening to iTunes when "Volcano" By Damien Rice crept into my ears. I had an urge to take some photos. This is what i created. I have an idea of what they mean to me. Not necessarily going along with the song. This is what i gathered after taking these and from some of my own experiences in life.

So many young girls do things to be loved. Things that they should never ever have to do. some do it cos they feel they have to in order to be loved or popular. Which in fact is a blatant lie of the today's culture. i have fallen into these lies in the past and in the not so distant past. I wish i could take back those mistakes, but i can not. And i have learned some valuable lessons from these mistakes. my only hope is that young girls will have the wits to keep from making these mistakes over and over again. do not buy into the lie that you have to degrade yourself to feel wanted, loved, or important. If someone truly loves you, they will not pressure/force you into doing anything that you feel is wrong.

these photos do not even begin to scratch the surface of the feelings that i am trying to portray. perhaps someday i will be strong enough to fully tell my story. 

more photos here

yummy.

I really like powdered donuts! I have white powder all over my pants, hands, and face. Sometimes you need to not take life so seriously. Just eat some powdered donuts and laugh at the white powder that somehow made its way to your forehead.

I do really love life. Even if at times it throws me some huge trials to deal with.

new/old style.

This past Tuesday, I got my hair did! Yep, I finally had my hair cut ad styled. I went back to rocking the super short hair. I really do love it ever so much. Cory is an amazing stylist. It was exciting to have him cut my hair. He cut all of it with a razor, it was trippy. Never had that done before, but I do love the outcome. I have a new/old style. New because it has never quite looked like this (I'm rocking the fauxhawk at the moment); old because I have had short hair in the past. 

I am excited about my new/old hair.

Rantings.

What happens if you live like there is no tomorrow? Say everything you ever wanted to without worrying about the outcome. Love like you had nothing left to lose, and all that mattered in the world was the love you shared with someone special. Would it be so hard to throw all our worries to the wind? To just live without a care in our minds? To know that everyday is a new beginning, and the problems of the day before stayed in yesterday. The only things that matter are what is in Today. Not to dwell on the stories that Yesterday hangs on to, and not to worry about the mysteries that Tomorrow keeps hidden. Why must we constantly brood over the unknown and the past we can not change, or the circumstance we have no control over? If we all just took the time to take in the day and to live life to the fullest each day, would that really be a horrid thing? 

Now, I'm not saying to live without responsibility. But we should live without regret for things that made us happy at the time. Everything we have done had a purpose and at that time in our life it was all we ever wanted and could hope to have. Why would you regret something that made you feel complete, even if for all the wrong reasons. For a small moment it made you feel...something. To feel something, good or bad, is infinitely better then being void of emotion and being numb and cold to the world. Everyone is entitled to Live, that is our basic Human Right. Why should anyone deny a Human the right to Live. 

We must not cheapen this precious gift. By worrying and brooding for the terrible past or what could have been. We need to learn to forgive and forget. It is hard to forgive another human but is equally difficult, if not more so, to forgive ourselves. But we can not move forward in our lives without learning to Forgive. A human can not hope to live a happy life knowing that forgiveness is due in some area of his life. 

Again, I am NOT saying live without responsibility. Every Human is responsible for his own actions, words, and thoughts. You must take and treat that responsibility with respect. Everyone is Human, therefore everyone deserves respect just as you yourself deserves respect. If everyone was given the respect they deserve...oh how we could change the world! If everyone was treated like the Human Being that they are, I know the world would change for the better. If everyone could just let go of the past, of some one's failures, and just realize we are all Imperfect Humans, the change we would bring about is beyond what I can imagine. The hope we would have as a Species is immense.

Sadly, I know that none of this is completely possible. Because of the simple fact that we ARE Imperfect Humans.