Thursday, November 26, 2009


Today is Thanksgiving. In light of the holiday, I have decided to make a list of all the people and things I am thankful for. Here it goes...

My family. Even though there are times we drive each other crazy, I love every one of you very much. My parents and I hardly ever see eye to eye but we manage. We've had our share of arguments but they have done so so so much for me during my life. I am thankful for my Grandma Mary Lou for giving me a place to live for the past two years. My cousin Ashley for being there for me through out the years. She is not just my cousin; she is my sister.

My friends. Katherine, she has been there since day one, and I can always count on her. Hanna, she is my other half. No one can even compare to her awesomeness, and she is stronger then anyone I know. Amanda, she means so much to me, and I do not know what I'd have done without her.

Mister. I'm far too embarrassed to put your real name. Though I'm sure its no secret who you are. I am so very grateful to know you. No matter what stupid thing I do, you are always there to listen to me. Honestly, I do not know what I would do or what would have happened to me without you. You are a great friend. I love you.

My health. I am thankful to be healthy. Despite allergies and asthma, I am healthy as a horse. Woo!

My house. Thank you again Grandma for allowing me to live here, eat your food, and use your utilities...all for free! It really means a lot to me.

My Hubert. That wonderful little red '92 Toyota Corolla has gotten me from point A to point B for the past year and he continues to run well. Despite all the hardships I have put him through.

My Bartholomew. He may have only been around for a few months, but he was a grand little hamster. I loved him very much, and I'm sad he is gone now. Rest in peace little guy.

My job. Zumiez! I am thankful for having an amazing job that I love a lot. The people I work with are amazing, and my managers are rad to the max. Couldn't ask for a better job.

My Nikon. He is a grand camera. I enjoy having him around very much. Thanks Papa for buying him for me. The Nikon has given me great joy over the years.

My education. Thanks mom for putting me through private school. First at The Master's School then at Hill Country, I am very grateful for it. You may have been hard on me, but I know you had your reasons. And it has paid off, even though I am not in college now. I'm sorry, I know it drives you crazy. Heehee.

The Beatles. Their music has gotten me through some of the hardest experiences in my life.

Fidel Gutierrez Silguero. I love you so much. All through my life you taught me so many things. From how to check the oil in a car to how to care for family and friends. You are the strongest person I know. Watching you fight the battle against cancer was the hardest thing for me to do. Knowing there was nothing I could do to help you. The cancer may have destroyed your body, but you never let it break your spirit. I miss you. Its been hard these past few years. But I know you are no longer suffering. I am so thankful to call you, Grandpa.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

the song in my head.

"And this is what she sang...

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me.

Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself."

- "Japanese Gum" by: Her Space Holiday

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Wow, its been a while since I've written. A lot has happened in the past month. I do not feel like recapping everything that has happened.

I have so many emotions going through me. Love, angry, hope, sorrow, loneliness, happiness, bitterness, and then a nice big helping of confusion to top it all off. It seems that everything has changed into something different, and yet everything is still exactly the the same as it was. Every day is a new adventure but feels the same as the last. Same place, same people, same conversations. Same ideas, same dreams, same fears.

This place that I am at is different then were I was a few months ago, but I find myself pondering over the same questions. The answers I have not yet found. And I am making the same mistakes I have made in the past. I do not want to keep repeating history. Though moving on into some unknown territory altogether frightens me. To go somewhere I have never been, to face the obstacles that will come, I wonder if I will be able to make the right decisions.