Friday, October 31, 2008

riley and mr. burton have a cup of tea.

This weekend my younger cousin, Kai, has a tennis tournament, and we have to dog-sit Riley. I love Riley Boy ever so much! He may be the world's laziest dog, but I adore him. He does not bark for anything! A burglar could break in and Riley would sniff his feet then be on his way. Riley will seldom play with anyone. It takes quite a bit to get him all rilled up. He is a rather silly doggie, but i love him. i am excited that he gets to spend the weekend with us.

Halloween is today! Sadly, I have no plans. Hopefully my friend Monique will get back to me with her plans soon. Even if she does, I have no costume. I have an idea but the dress I need is at my mum's house. Curses! Halloween is my favourite holiday and I have nothing to do. Well tomorrow, Emily and I might watch Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd. I am eagerly awaiting that! I adore Mr. Todd. Johnny Depp did a grand job portraying Mr. Todd. And Tim Burton is pure GENIUS! I'm thinking that a trip to Hasting's this evening is in order. I need to pick up Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. 'Tis a lovely film. It really grabs my heart. That may be an odd thing to say, but I will say it anyway. Even if I am stuck at home this evening, I will have Mr. Todd and Jack to keep me company.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

"you broke the boy in me, but you won't break the man"

Well, I heard from Chilli's today. They will not be able to offer me the position at this time. I will admit that I was very upset when I heard this news. I have been looking for a job for a few months now. Constently getting turned down is quite discuriging. However, I am trying to not let these events put me down. I picked up two applications today after I heard the news from Chilli's. I am determined to find a job. I know God is in control. He will provide. I can not let this bring my spirit down.

In the words of John Parr, "You broke the boy in me but you won't break the man."

On a side note, the lyric quoted is from "St. Elmo's Fire" by John Parr. 'Tis a grand song, give it a listen.

livin' on a prayer.

"She says we got to hold on to what we got,
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.
We got each other and that's alot,
For love we'll give it a shot.

Oh, We're half way there
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand we'll make it I swear!
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer"

- Bon Jovi

This song has been on my mind for about the past week. The small section that I have typed above holds quite a bit of meaning for me. I feel like this is how I want to live each day of my life. I want to "hold on to what we got;" I want to be happy "if we make it or not." Because, "for love I'll give it a shot!" I want to live on a prayer. I want to put all my trust in that prayer and live for love. I know I can live on a prayer, because I know who hears my prayer. God hears my prayer, and His love is so much deeper then the love any human could ever give me. "Take my hand, we'll make it I swear," when I hear that line, I picture God saying that to me. Although, I wonder if it would sound more like this, "take my hand we'll make it, I promise."

I want to live on a prayer. I want to put all my heart and soul into that prayer. I want to live happily "If we make it or not." I want to find someone to live on a prayer with. In my life I want to "hold on to what we got." I want to be satisfied with the life I live on this earth, no matter how brief a time it may be.

And, I challenge YOU. I challenge you to live on a prayer. I challenge you to put all your trust in the God who hears that prayer. I challenge you to hold on to what you got. I challenge you to be satisfied in your life. I challenge you.

Friday, October 24, 2008

killing loneliness.

"Killing Loneliness"

Memories, sharp as daggers
Pierce into the flesh of today
Suicide of love took away all that matters
And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Nailed to a cross, together
As solitude begs us to stay
Disappear in the lie, forever
And denounce the power of death over our souls as secret words are said to start a war

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me,
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

I'm killing loneliness
With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness)
With the warmth of your arms you saved me
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tombI'm killing loneliness

I'm killing loneliness with you
I'm killing loneliness with you
Killing loneliness with you
Killing loneliness with you
Killing loneliness
Killing loneliness


This is truely an amazing song. I had forgotten how much I adored this song. Moves me to tears everytime.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

a small moment.

Aw, today was a grand day! Slept in 'til about 11:30am, watched Without a Trace while eating cereal, and then I greeted the world. I headed out to look for a job, which is not my favourite thing to do. I applied at Chilli's to be a hostess, and while I was there conversed with one of the managers. On Tuesday, I have to go in to take an assessment test. Ah, I am very nervous about that test. However, I think I may have a chance with Chilli's. I sure hope I get the job!

After leaving Chilli's, I headed downtown to the Coffee Pot. I ordered my usual boring drink, a vanilla latte. One of these days I will order something different. I need to branch out and try something new. Walking back to my car, I have to cross the street. On the other side of the road, a man was also waiting to cross. I find it rather neat, how I may not know him at all, but at that moment we shared the same objective. When it was safe, we both ventured to the opposite side, as we passed each other, we exchanged a friendly little smile. In that small moment, I felt like we were connected on a minute level. We live completely separate lives, but for a single moment, our objective was the same. Maybe I am crazy for thinking so much of a small experience. If I am crazy, then I do not wish to be "sane."

Once I returned to my car, I headed to Playscape. The lovely fall weather we are having made my visit to Playscape quite enjoyable. While there, I drank my coffee that I purchased at the Coffee Pot, and took a few photos. I will upload the photos to my flickr. here is the link:

Monday, October 20, 2008

a whirl wind weekend.

Wow! I mean, wow. This past weekend was crazy, fast and extremely fun. My fellow Hill Country graduate, Hanna, came down from Baylor for the weekend. She stayed at my house, which is a recipe for trouble. It was awesome having my partner in crime back in town. She arrived at my house around 7 on Friday. That night we hit up Chili's, Playscape, Sonic, Sewell Park, and lastly Wal-Mart. Playscape is by far the best place ever at night! We ran around, played and made great use of the swings. Although, I would have to say rampaging through Wal-Mart was the highlight of the night. We found a bike horn and randomly set it off around the store. Dancing to African, Irish, Swing, Christmas, and many other types of music was also one of the shenanigans we pulled. The lovely night at Wal-Mart was completed by playing the new Rockband, however, only the drums were still working. After rocking out to Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer," we called it a night and headed back to my house which was around 1:30am. We did not fall asleep til around 4:00am, that was the way it was the whole weekend. Crazy fun filled days, and sleepless nights. Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on how you look at it, we went to IHOP. mmmmm. Nothing like eggs, bacon and pancakes at 12:30am. Yes, having Hanna back home was excellent. I can not wait for her to come visit again!

Next time, we will hit up good ol' SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF CHRISTMAS!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

when things need to be fixed.

Today is a new day, today I thought through some things that have been nagging at my mind. I went to Goodwill and dropped off some clothes, headed to Sonic, bought a half-priced strawberry slushie, then drove to my favorite hang out, Playscape. Being outside in this lovely fall weather really helped clear my head. I walked about Playscape taking photos of the sights that facinated me. I found a nice picnic table and smoked some cigs. There is where I did my thinking.

There are several areas in my life that need fixing. The most important aspect of my life that desperatly needs fixing is my walk with God. I miss feeling close to Him, the way I was when I was younger. I do not know when I started to turn my back on God, but no longer do I want to live like this. All the loniness, sorrow, fear, hopeless, and regret. I no longer want to be a slave to those feelings. All the hurt that I have experienced in my young life, I want God to heal my scares. He is the only one that is capable of healing my broken heart. No boy, drug, alcohol, music, book or friend can fully heal me. Only God can bring me the peace that I so desperatly long for. Only God can silence the screams on my inner demons that tell me I am worthless. Only God can reach down and pluck me out of my darkness. I call out to Him, and I know He hears. I know that with His help alone, can I turn my life around. With His strength alone can I make it through another tragic day. With His love alone can my heart be healed into on piece. Only after God has helped me back on my feet, can I ever be fit to love anyone. From today on, I will with God's love and help turn my life around. I want to be seen as a Child of God, not as a child of the Devil.

I have lived a dishonoring life for far to long. I want my life to be fixed before its to late. I need to be fixed before something horrid happens to me. I want to be a living testimony of the Lord's power.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

October 14, 2006

October 14, 2006. Two years ago today. I find it very hard to believe that it has been two years already. So much has happen in those two years, so many smiles, and so many tears were shed. Birthdays, holidays and other celebrations came and went. There were many changes made, but one thing never changed in those two years. No matter how many tears I cried, no matter how hard I prayed, you were never present at any of those celebrations. You may not have been there, but your memory was alive in my heart. You did not attend my high school graduation, nor we were there to celebrate my 18th birthday with me; However, I felt your love in my heart.

Not a day goes by that I do not find myself thinking of you. Much to often, I forget that you have moved on, and I go in search for you to tell you a story that happened that day. I run to the living room expecting to find you watching Wheel of Fortune, but when I get there all I find is an empty room. The loss hits me, and I cry for you again. You were one of the most important people in my life, losing you is the hardest thing I have ever had to cope with. If you knew the ways i have tried to deal with pain, you would be heart broken. I have made many stupid choice these past two years. I make this promise to you now, never again will I try to come to you. I will wait patiently 'till the day comes when we are together again.

Today, Me and Grandma went to visit you. We brought new purple flowers. I think you would like them. I took a few photos of your bed with the new flowers; it does look very nice. I know that you are extremely happy in your new home, and that you still love and care for us. Remember, we love, care, and miss you very much.

Grandpa, I love you. I miss you.

With love your granddaughter,

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Underdog Alma Mater

Nothing all that exciting has happened today. I am still waiting to hear from CenturyTel about that job. I have a strong feeling I'm not going to get it, but you never know.

Well I went to Wal-Mart to buy groceries. Wal-Mart can be a rather interesting places, however, today I did not pay much attention to the people. Ran into a very rude Mexican family as I was using the self-check out. Other then that, no super awesome experiances at Wal-Mart.

But I do have some grand news! I journeyed to Best Buy and purchased Forever The Sickest Kids album Underdog Alma Mater. I am listening to it now, and I am fully enjoying it! If you have not heard them, well then...GO LISTEN! Really, they are quite good. While I was at Best Buy, I asked if they sold kits to fix the flash on a camera. Apparently, they do not. Alas, my poor Nikon is still flash-less. May have to venture to a camera shop in Austin.

Oh, about The Truth Project. Well last night I went to the study. Once again, I found it rather dull. Most of the matrial being covered was in Understanding The Times, the series used in my high school sociology class. I am still hoping that it gets better.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

the start of something new?

Today is a lovely day to be in Central Texas! The weather outside is just marvelous. Not too hot, not to cold. Just right. If you live in the area, a trip outside would be a capital idea. Even if you just walk to the mailbox, it will be a walk well spent in this lovely weather. Oh, how I wish the wireless internet was set up! If it was, I would be sitting outside typing this post. Alas, I am stuck indoors. Today was a some what productive day. I ventured near Texas State and put up with the college students. I did this because i needed to satisfy the craving I had for a Tripple Cheese Wich from Which Which. If you have not been to Which Wich, i highly recomend it. Well, i went to Which Wich and purchased my Wich. I could not resist the lovely weather, therefore I went out to the pourch and ate my lunch. I was not alone. There was a young college girl and an older man also enjoying the weather. They seemed like neat people though I did not exchange words with them.

After leaving Which Wich, I went to CenturyTel to inquire about a job opening. Apparently I must apply for the job online which i have already done. Hooray! The kind lady working the window at the Costumer Service window told me that the job would be available until tomorrow. Tomorrow I will find out if I have the job then training will begin on the 20th. Oh, I hope I recieve this job! The odds are against me, but you never know. I just might be the type they are looking for.

Yes, today has been a grand day, but the day is not over! Later this evening I will be going to a friend's house for the second video of The Truth Project which is a series on developing a Christian Worldview. I must say the first video was rather dull, but I am told it gets better. Hopefully that is true. Perhaps later I will give a more detailed explaniation of the series.

Monday, October 6, 2008

just starting out...

Well, this is my first blogging experiance. The reason I made this blog is to share my adventures through photos. My daily adventures can be quite "normal" or "ordinary," but I like to think that the mundane can be extraordinary. So very often people go through the motions of life without stoping to truely live. Through my little blog I will try and reach out to people that have fallen asleep in life. I want to wake everyone up! That way people can truely live. Now, I know that telling of my adventures is hardly anything, but if even a few people read this and feel moved in some way, then I will feel as though I have made some sort of small difference.

I will try to make updates frequently. The photo in this post was taken at Sewell Park under one of the bridges that cross the SM river.