Paper Heart and Love and Mushy Stuff.

Today, I watched Paper Heart. It was a cute movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked listening to all the people's stories about their loves. It was interesting to hear all the different takes on love. What it is, how you know its real and all that mushy stuff. They all mentioned some sort of realization point. Some described it as a spark or lightening bolt. (What's with love and electricity? Hm, peculiar.) I think of my realization point more like running face first into a glass door. You don't know its there until it hits you in the face...really hard. Love is an odd thing. I do not fully understand it and I do not think I ever will which is just fine with me. Some things are not meant to be understood.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend."

- The Moldy Peaches

^ That is how I think of my love.

Some days, most days.

I feel as though I'm being taken advantage of and used by the one person in my life that I feel I can trust. The thought of cutting my ties with this person has crossed my mind so many times, but I have not been able to bring myself to fully go through with it. This person means too much to me, even though I am almost positive I mean nothing to them.

you.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend." - The Moldy Peaches

No other words could explain it better.

"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."

Prayers for a friend.

This evening I received terrible news about a dear friend of mine. I have known him for quite sometime. I have a few grand childhood memories of him. I have many high school memories with him; we also graduated together. I treasure every memory we share, him and our friend Katherine. The three of us share so many memories. From one of her birthday at the Sunset Bowling Alley (I can't remember if it was her 6th or 7th) to the cruise we went on several years ago. And of course our years spent in high school. The news came as a shock but some how I had this fear and dread that I would one day have it delivered to me.

From Katherine via text message: Hey guys. Today Tim Wilhelm dove into the river and hit his head. He is in the emergency surgery right now. He broke his skull and has bleeding on the brain and he broke his neck. So please send a prayer up for him! Please. He has been in surgery for 4 hours now...

I read this over and over. Trying to take it in. It was a huge shock and yet I always had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that one day I would hear something like this. Tim was diagnosed as an epileptic. This may have had an effect on this terrible accident. I do not know all the details so I am unsure as to what all happened. All I know is that one of my dear friends that I love is badly, badly hurt and is in need of prayer. This is in God's hands, only He has the power to heal Timmy. I pray that Timmy will be brought through this and will be the same Timmy that I and so many others know and love. My heart is breaking in my chest for him and his family. I pray that they feel God's love and peace surround them. He will bring them through this horrid experience.

Please, whoever may be reading this, please pray for my friend. Please pray that he will make it through this. Please pray for the doctors. Please send Timmy and his family and friends prayers and good thoughts.

Update: I just got word that he is out of surgery, but they will not know if he has brain damage or is paralyzed until he wakes up. Please continue to pray for him.

a wee update.

Wow, it seems like ages since I last posted. Hello people of the internet. I hope that all is going well for you, and if that is not so, then I do pray that things will begin to look up for you.

My life has been crazy busy these past few week, that is why I have been unable to update my blog. I have been babysitting my younger cousins. Oh man, they sure can be a handful. But I do  adore them so. When I am not babysitting, I spend some quality time with my wonderful boyfriend James. Also, I squeeze time in for friends. And of course, I try to find time to read, take photographs, and write. It seems that so much has happened, and yet I do not know what all to put in this post. 

Basically, it goes something like this....graduations, graduations, GRADUATIONS...and babies. 

So many of my friends are graduating this year. It is insane, but so very fun. I do love seeing every one's hard work finally paying off.

Also, I have managed to injure my ankle. I pulled a ligament. (I heard it pop when it happened, gross.) I am in pain, and it is not fun at all. But I should be just fine. Knowing me, it came about in the lamest of ways. I tripped down a stair. Not stairs, but just a single stair. Oh dear, I am a clumsy one.

Anyways, that is all I have to share with you at the moment. Things are moving right along. I am happy. I am having adventures. I am deeply in love with James.

I love Life.

everything.

Everything about you makes me smile. Your quirky sense of humor, your eccentric mannerism, your goofy little smile that you try so hard to hide, everything makes me grin uncontrollably. The way you look when you are "mad" at me makes me want to giggle. You make me entirely happy. I am so happy to know you, and to have you in my life. You brighten my day immensely. I can not bare the thought of ever losing you. Yet, I can not dare to bring myself to say those words that linger at the corners of my mind, the tip of my tongue, the edge of my heart. 

I wish I was brave enough to tell you...everything.

the road less traveled.

Today was a very good day. Started out with my morning run. I did not get to running til about eleven this morning. I had to drag my lazy ass out of bed. I promise, one of these days i will have my run through by ten! After my run, I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and proceeded to see what was happening on the Internets. I find it kind of sad how I must periodically check the inter web. If I was with out the web for a week, I might go insane. That fact depresses me. Well, what is a modern girl to do? Oh well, I'll shrug it off.

I spent the majority of my day surfing the web and what not. Did some cleaning, if you can call it that. Feed Bartholomew, listened to Bright Eyes, and waited around for Willem to call me. We had made plans to go visit this lovely little trail that a friend had told me about. I managed to keep myself busy.

When Willem arrived, we hopped into my car and made our way over to the little trail. We walked all over that beautiful place. Saw some lovely sights that I did not see my first time there. I will have to take my Polaroid there to capture on of the sights, a peace sign on the ground made of rocks. I had a grand time with Willem. He is absolutely wonderful. And that trail was perfect. Such a lovely place to share with my dear friend!

All in all, today was definitely a marvelous day! I feel that today I took the road less traveled. Seeing the beautiful in the "ordinary," finding meaning in the simple, and treasuring the little things in life. 

Christmas time.

Well Christmas was on Thursday. I love Christmas. There is something in the air around Christmas that just makes everything seem perfect. Even though deep inside I know my world will always be far from perfect. Regardless, I still had a marvelous Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, we went over to my aunt Nani's house for dinner. She is an excellent cook! We had ham as the main dish. Corn, green beans, yams, and mashed potatoes were the sides. And there were what seemed as endless sweets for dessert. It was a lovely dinner. Most of my family was present, minus the San Antonio Clan. My father and I did not stay long for we both had other activities to tend to. My father was eager to head home to watch the Noter Dame football game. And I was looking forward to spending the evening with Willem.

When Willem arrived, we headed to my room to watch Wall-E. I had not seen it before. Oh man, if you have not seen this film, I highly suggest you do! I fell in love with Wall-E ten minutes into the film. Spending time with Willem was the highlight of my Christmas Eve. Unfortunately his gift had not come in yet, therefore I was unable to give it to him. The silly boy had also misplaced my gift somewhere in his room. We will just have to exchange gifts at a later time. Oh well, it is a good excuse to see him again. (heehee.)

Christmas Day was different but it was still wonderful. My San Antonio cousins were not with us this year. I was sad not being able to see them, but they are coming over tomorrow which is lovely. Besides that, Christmas morning went normally. We waited for Nani and her family to arrive before we opened our gifts. Needless to say, I was anxious for their arrival; my father allowed me to open one gift before they came. That helped me calm down a bit. I really am such a little kid when it come to festivities like these. I feel no shame in this fact though.

After opening gifts and having a tamale breakfast, Nani and her family left to get ready to head down to San Antonio to see Great Grandma and everyone else. I was unable to go to San Antonio with everyone because I had made plans to head over to my mum's house. Holidays are always confusing and can have drama because of the divorce, but I have learned to deal with it.

Upon arriving at my mum's house, I was bombarded by my cousins, Leah and Jade. I was very excited to see them both. Since I graduated and moved in with my dad, I hardly see Leah anymore. And I can not remember the last time I saw Jade. Perhaps, last Christmas? Needless to say it was wonderful being able to spend time with them. When I was finally able to go inside my mum's house I was bombarded once again with Hello's and Merry Christmas's from all over the room. I was unsure of who was talking to me since there were people and voices everywhere. I believe there may have been some relatives that i never did say hello to. Which is sad but sometimes it can not be helped when we have our Mexican Chaos everywhere.

It is tradition that on Christmas we all go see various movies. Some of my cousins and I went to see Valkyrie. That was an excellent film, regardless of the fact that we were in the very first row! I was amazed by how many people I saw at the Starplex. Kristi and her mom, then later I saw her brother, Levi. Daniel, my old basketball coach was there also seeing Valkyrie. I also saw Sean, poor guy, he had to work at the Starplex. But he was in high spirits which is good.

All in all, Christmas was interesting but all together exciting! This was a wonderful way to start the end of the year. I am thoroughly excited and afraid of what the future may hold. The unknown is wonderfully terrifying.

its the most wonderful time...

...of the year!!

Ah, Christmas is a week from today. I can hardly believe it. Today, my dear friend Amanda and I headed to the Outlet Mall to get some last minute shopping done. By the time Amanda arrived at the Mall, I had bought all my gifts. Unfortunately, Amanda was present while I was purchasing her gift. Oh well, she will enjoy it anyway! Ha ha. It was a lovely day in my opinion. Overcast, grey, rainy and with a eerie fog about. It was delightful to walk about in. I am thoroughly pleased with the gifts I have bought for my friends and family. But, oh my!! Men are so hard to shop for. I still need to buy my papa and Willem's gifts. I have no idea what to get for them. I would cop-out for a tie, but Papa does not wear ties. He does not fit the "typical father" mold. Damn, sometimes I really wish he did. Willem on the other hand does not fit the "typical anything" mold. Oh, that boy. How I adore him. I am planing a trip to Half-price Books for tomorrow. Hopefully, I can find something for those men there. If not, then I will search Hastings. I have to find them something wonderful. Especially, Papa. He may not be the best father in the world, but he is my father. And having him around is all I ask for, and I am thankful to have him.

warmth

Oh Happy Day!! I am thoroughly enjoying the lovely weather that my little city is having! It is cold and grey. A dear friend of mine described the cold perfectly, "a fitting temperature for final days of the year." I could not agree more. Winter is absolutely my favourite time of the year. There is nothing more lovely then warm jackets, scarfs, hats, gloves, cozy fires, and amazing company.

When it cold out, all I need is warmth. I chuckle to myself at that statement. Seems quite obvious that I would need nothing but warmth, but warmth from fires and heaters is not all that I am referring to. I need warmth, the warmth from a friend (not body heat only.) The warmth of friendship, of love. The warmth of having a deep connection to the person sitting next to me. Having someone near when the sky is grey and foreboding is so completely comforting. Having friends close by as the year comes to an end and new beginnings arise is riveting. Knowing even though the earth is cold, your heart is warm with the love for friends and family is absolutely marvelous. I can not think of a more spectacular way to end.

is it worth it?

I have been waiting patiently for awhile now. Lately, I have begun to wonder, "Is it worth it?" I have this friend that I am very fond of, and he knows about my feelings. I believe that he returns my feelings. He just has an odd way of showing it. I understand that he may be shy when it comes to certain things. I understand that he is busy working. I do not expect him to spend all his free time with me. But I would like to see him. I have not seen him in about two months. He went away for awhile, and he returned home about three weeks ago. I have yet to see him. It's not due to a lack of planning. We have made plans, but something always comes up on his end. Either he has been called elsewhere or he is too tired, it is starting to get old. It was like this as well before he left. I was hopeing upon his return things would be different. When he left, it was aparent that there was "something there" between us. But lately, I have begun to question that. He tells me that he wants to see me, but his actions seem to prove otherwise. I wonder if he really wants to see me. I want to believe that this waiting will amount to something, and that all this will prove to be worth it. Though, it becomes harder to wait with each passing day...

crazy night.

Last night was intense. I had a fantastic time with some awesome friends. Good company. Good conversation. Good times. I made a new friend, I will not say anymore on that. Oh boy. Monique and I know how to have a good time. Though I am sorry that I kept her from sleep and left her alone with a sleeping Sean. Actually, I am not all that sorry, because it was worth it. Indeed. Besides, once I explained everything to her, she was fine with getting a few less hours of sleep. And she is proud of me which makes me giggle to myself.



I feel bad for anyone who reads this post. All of you are out of the loop, and it will remain that way for I do not see the need to give you all the details of last nights shenanigans.



All in all, last night was crazy, fun, and I would love to do it all again.

last night.

Monique and Tesia make a scene.
Quantum of Solace.
Random friends of a friend.
Every gas station closed.
Monique and Sean having to pee like pregnant women.
Finding an open gas station is like finding oil in the desert.
Cops in the parking lot.
Vacant field.
Cold nights.
Hot Boxin'.
Having the giggles.
"Is that my phone on fire?"
Pass it, pass it.
Divide it out.
"IS THAT A CAR COMING!?! oh wait, its that damn poster."
Good times with friends.
Eat M&M's.
Crash.

Best night of the month? Hell yeah.
Priceless, bitch.

crazy times.

This past weekend was interesting to say the least. It all started Saturday night. Katherine and I planned on going to a pool hall. Two of our friends, Everett and Joel, met us there. The evening started out lovely. We played doubles, Joel and Katherine were on a team, and me and Everett were on a team. It was quite a humorous event. Everett put most of our teams balls in the pockets. I managed to sink two the entire evening. I am not a grand pool player, but I try my best. Joel went to pick up his younger brother, Luke. When they returned, the whole gang migrated to The Coffee Pot next door. The Coffee Pot has some of the best coffee in good ol' San Marcos. I bought my usual Vanilla Latte, it is heaven in a cup. Everyone bought their drink of choice, we had some interesting conversation. From the bathroom keys to Mr. Timmons' "Things are never what they appear" joke, and everything in between, it was lovely being able to sit with good friends and enjoy the night.

Leaving the Coffee Pot to venture to Calvary Chapel of the Springs is when the night took a horrid turn. Everett and I were in my car driving to the church when we were hit. Impact. Scream. Slide. When my car came to a stop, I was on the verge of panic. Tears welled up in my eyes, I was saying my favourite cuss word over and over, I was shaking, and having trouble breathing. I thank God we were not hurt and Everett was with me. Everett helped me keep my calm. Katherine, Joel and Luke came as soon as Everett told them what happened. I am very thankful I had wonderful friends with me. They all helped me greatly. Thank you.

The police arrived and swiftly started to evaluate the situation. There were three police cars and I believe five officers, I'm not sure why they needed so many. It took about an hour for the police to do their job, the whole time I was on the verge of tears. Again, I am glad everyone was there. In the end, I was held at fault for making an "illegal lane change," however I was not issued a ticket. Praise God!

My dad was not happy when I told him of the night's event. He was mad and disappointed with me. He has calmed down since then. Though he is still not happy. He has ordered the parts that are needed to fix my little car. Hopefully he will be able to start work on it this week.

On a brighter side, yesterday was my younger cousin Kayla's birthday! She turned three years old. The party was Dora the explorer themed. Kayla was so adorable and she really fancied the swings. Sadly, I was unable to stay for the whole party.

And on an even brighter side, my dear friend Willem will be home from Navy Basic training sometime at the end of the week. His mother told me last night he would be leaving Wednesday. If he comes by bus he will be here Friday, or if he comes by plane he will be here Thursday. I hope he has a safe and quick trip home. I miss him very much and I am very excited to see him.

a whirl wind weekend.

Wow! I mean, wow. This past weekend was crazy, fast and extremely fun. My fellow Hill Country graduate, Hanna, came down from Baylor for the weekend. She stayed at my house, which is a recipe for trouble. It was awesome having my partner in crime back in town. She arrived at my house around 7 on Friday. That night we hit up Chili's, Playscape, Sonic, Sewell Park, and lastly Wal-Mart. Playscape is by far the best place ever at night! We ran around, played and made great use of the swings. Although, I would have to say rampaging through Wal-Mart was the highlight of the night. We found a bike horn and randomly set it off around the store. Dancing to African, Irish, Swing, Christmas, and many other types of music was also one of the shenanigans we pulled. The lovely night at Wal-Mart was completed by playing the new Rockband, however, only the drums were still working. After rocking out to Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer," we called it a night and headed back to my house which was around 1:30am. We did not fall asleep til around 4:00am, that was the way it was the whole weekend. Crazy fun filled days, and sleepless nights. Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on how you look at it, we went to IHOP. mmmmm. Nothing like eggs, bacon and pancakes at 12:30am. Yes, having Hanna back home was excellent. I can not wait for her to come visit again!

Next time, we will hit up good ol' SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF CHRISTMAS!!