Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's a Fine.

It's a fine day. Tis rainy and deary outside. I love days like these. All I want to do is curl up book and coffee mug in hand. Perhaps, to make the experience even more grand, add James into the mix of things. 

I love lazy days. Where all one wants is to sit and watch the world turn, to cuddle up with their sweetheart, and to simply drink up the simple wonders of life. I love days like today. Only thing that is missing is my sweetheart. But we will be together again tomorrow.

I think I will end this blog post sooner then anticipated and brew myself a pot of wondrous coffee. Good day, to all you lovely bloggers, readers, and whomever else may stumble across my little blog.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

wonderfully amazing.

In the midst of all the turmoil that my family is going through, it was hard to find a reason to smile. A reason to be happy. A reason not to cry. These past few day have been wonderful. But yesterday takes the cake by far. 

This past weekend I met someone who changed my life for the better. I had all but settled for the attention I thought I deserved. I am so very glad I met this person when I did, before it was too late. He has captivated me in a way I never thought possible. He is the single most amazing man I have ever met. He treats me the way I have always dreamed of being treated. He makes me feel so incredibly special. And in turn, I have made him extremely happy. We have found happiness in each other. I am thoroughly excited to see what the future holds for us. I am ready to begin this new life and relationship with this amazing man.

We met this weekend. Talked. Hung out. And yesterday, he asked me to be his. I said yes. Of course, I was nervous. Not knowing what would happen next. Saying yes has proven to be the best decision I have made in my life thus far. He is so wonderful. I can not get over how lucky I am to have him. Its hard to believe that I would find someone like him. Me...I've always settled, never had what I really wanted. Never felt like I was getting treated the way I deserved to be. Because, quite frankly, I do not believe I deserve to be treated so wonderfully. I'm happy that despite what I might think, he still treats me with such care and devotion. I can only imagine how time will make our relationship grow.

This wonderful week can be summed up in two words: James Miller.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


"You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does."

- The Smiths

Last night was a terrible night. Started good, middle was wretched, ended descent. Basically, what I feared would happened, happened. Only far worse then I thought possible. I knew he would be mad, but I truly believed he was done making me stupid. I know he says terrible things. But I did not see him being so harsh to make his point. I do not understand why he seems to hate me so much. I know that he is trying to do his best. But from what I have observed about his behaviour compared to the way it is "supposed" to be, it is unbelievable the differences that I see.

I'm so tired of always doing things wrong, and never pleasing him. I thought she was hard to please. I thought she was my enemy. Everyday I spend here I am beginning to see that they are really not all that different. What I was trying to escape, I have found it here. Only it is in a different form.