Thursday, May 28, 2009

this feeling.

I feel so strange. i do not know what it is really. Sadness. Loneliness. Emptiness. Loss. I am a void, yet overflowing. I want to laugh; I want to cry. I want lay down, yet I want to dance. I want to be alone, but I long to be held. This feeling. I can feel it in my stomach, in my heart, and it grabs hold on me to the point that I do not know what to do. I am at a loss. I do not know what to think. I do not know what to do. I simply do not know. I  feel so helpless. And yet, all I want to do is dance to the lovely sounds that fill my ears. The soothing sounds of music that remind me of happier times. 

To just forget everything, and dance.

its time to say goodbye again.

Today was a beautiful day. It saddened me that I had to spend most of it indoors babysitting. But I was happy. Listened to Old Music that I grew up on that I had almost forgotten about. Danced around, I found out that I can really shake my ass. >__<

Then..I came home. And I am sad. My great uncle Frutoso passed away in the early afternoon. He was my Grandpa's older brother. Frutoso may have lived far from me, but after my Grandpa died, I thought of Frutoso as a Grandpa. I am sad that I never told him that. I am sad that the last time I saw him was about a year ago. I am sad that I will never seen that crazy old man in a wheelchair ever again. But...I am happy he is in Heaven. I am happy that he is no longer in and out of hospitals. I am happy he is no longer in pain. I am extremely happy that Frutoso and my grandpa Fidel are reunited again. I am happy that they are happy.

I am never good at these things. The funeral will be on Sunday and Monday. I do not want to go. I do not want my last memory of Frutoso to be of his empty shell of a body lying in a box waiting to be thrown in the ground to wrought. I believe that is not the way he would want to be remembered. I want to remember him as the happy man he was. He never once complained about the pain he was in. He and Grandpa were both strong men. Both never let anything break their spirits. They both always fought their battles with all they had. Frutoso with his diabetes; Grandpa with his cancer. 

I will never forget either of them. I will always love them. One day, I will see them again. 

Mint Car.

The sun is up
I'm so happy I could scream!
And there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be
Than here with you
It's perfect
It's all I ever wanted
I almost can't believe that it's for real

I really don't think it gets any better than this
Vanilla smile
And a gorgeous strawberry kiss!
Birds sing we swing
Clouds drift by and everything is like a dream
It's everything I wished

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it again?
I know we should!!!

The sun is up
I'm so fizzy I could burst!
You wet through and me headfirst
Into this is perfect
It's all I ever wanted
Ow! It feels so big it almost hurts!

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it some more?
I know we should!!!
Say it will always be like this
The two of us together
It will always be like this
Forever and ever and ever...

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it all the time?
I know that we should!!!

This song is amazing. This is how I feel right now, how I've been feeling. I love how music can capture a feeling is such a perfect way. I'm just so very happy. I do not know what else to say. Happiness and love have filled my heart. I could just burst.

Monday, May 25, 2009

a wee update.

Wow, it seems like ages since I last posted. Hello people of the internet. I hope that all is going well for you, and if that is not so, then I do pray that things will begin to look up for you.

My life has been crazy busy these past few week, that is why I have been unable to update my blog. I have been babysitting my younger cousins. Oh man, they sure can be a handful. But I do  adore them so. When I am not babysitting, I spend some quality time with my wonderful boyfriend James. Also, I squeeze time in for friends. And of course, I try to find time to read, take photographs, and write. It seems that so much has happened, and yet I do not know what all to put in this post. 

Basically, it goes something like this....graduations, graduations, GRADUATIONS...and babies. 

So many of my friends are graduating this year. It is insane, but so very fun. I do love seeing every one's hard work finally paying off.

Also, I have managed to injure my ankle. I pulled a ligament. (I heard it pop when it happened, gross.) I am in pain, and it is not fun at all. But I should be just fine. Knowing me, it came about in the lamest of ways. I tripped down a stair. Not stairs, but just a single stair. Oh dear, I am a clumsy one.

Anyways, that is all I have to share with you at the moment. Things are moving right along. I am happy. I am having adventures. I am deeply in love with James.

I love Life.

Monday, May 4, 2009

babysitting days.

Well at the moment I am babysitting my little three-year old cousin Kayla. She is happily watching Max & Ruby on Nick Jr. She is a silly little thing; I do enjoying taking care of her. She can be quite a handful at times. But are not all young children a joyful pain. Chuckle. I do love her so. It is interesting watching her and her little mannerisms. She is a unique girl. She enjoys playing with her Easter eggs more then the candy that was in them. Which was no doubt eaten by her parents or older brother. Aw, Kayla is so very tired, but she persists to fight off her sleep as long as possible. I wish she would take a nap. She so desperately needs one.

On another note, the screen on my phone is all messed up. I can not see anything. It is such a nuisance. I am unable to see text messages. Oh well, hopefully, my replacement phone will be in Wednesday. Then my life will go back to "normal." I find it sad how my life is slightly annoyed by the loss of my cell phone's screen. I think these next couple days without a screen will be good for me. I do not need to use it all the time. Though it makes connecting with my family and friends difficulty. I will be happy to have a working phone again, but in the mean time, I will make the best of this situation.