Paper Heart and Love and Mushy Stuff.

Today, I watched Paper Heart. It was a cute movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked listening to all the people's stories about their loves. It was interesting to hear all the different takes on love. What it is, how you know its real and all that mushy stuff. They all mentioned some sort of realization point. Some described it as a spark or lightening bolt. (What's with love and electricity? Hm, peculiar.) I think of my realization point more like running face first into a glass door. You don't know its there until it hits you in the face...really hard. Love is an odd thing. I do not fully understand it and I do not think I ever will which is just fine with me. Some things are not meant to be understood.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend."

- The Moldy Peaches

^ That is how I think of my love.

there was so little left to give.

I may not have much, but what I have I'll give to you.

Warm days. I'm so ready for Spring. Even more ready for Summer.

Sunshine, won't you be my lover.

I'm so scatter brained.

flickr.

you.

"You're a part time lover and a full time friend." - The Moldy Peaches

No other words could explain it better.

"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you."

Love Will Tear Us Apart

When the routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow
And were changing our ways,
Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold
Turned away on your side?
Is my timing that flawed,
Our respect run so dry?
Yet theres still this appeal
That weve kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep
All my failings expose?
Get a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Is it something so good
Just cant function no more?
When love, love will tear us apart again

- Joy Division.

not sure what to call this one.

Life is an adventure. I have been pretty busy this past month. Working, working and squeezing in time for friends. I have not had the time to write or take photos in a long time. I have not updated my flickr since...July. That makes me very sad. Work is slowing down, which is not so grand for my bank account (I plan on looking for a second job, perhaps be a waitress.) Business should pick up again in November. However, during the down time I will have more time for the people and things I love. More time for friends, the Nikon and of course my love James. I am looking forward to being able to take time out of my day to do all the things I have missed. I will have to try to save my money though, easier said than done.

So much has happened in the past month. I do not plan to document all the events that have taken place. I simply had the urge to write and update my wee blog. I feel I have neglected my blog greatly so far this year. For that I am sorry. I started this for myself as a way to document the event in my life and the random little thoughts that flood my mind. Writing more often on this blog is something I will work very hard to accomplish. My hope was to post at least once a week and I am going to try and do just that.

Oh, and on a side note...ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL BEATLES ROCKBAND HITS STORES!!!!

I am very excited about this.

"You say you want a revolution
Well you know
we all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be alright"

I can not wait. It's going to be amazing.

Mint Car.

The sun is up
I'm so happy I could scream!
And there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be
Than here with you
It's perfect
It's all I ever wanted
I almost can't believe that it's for real

I really don't think it gets any better than this
Vanilla smile
And a gorgeous strawberry kiss!
Birds sing we swing
Clouds drift by and everything is like a dream
It's everything I wished

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it again?
I know we should!!!

The sun is up
I'm so fizzy I could burst!
You wet through and me headfirst
Into this is perfect
It's all I ever wanted
Ow! It feels so big it almost hurts!

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it some more?
I know we should!!!
Say it will always be like this
The two of us together
It will always be like this
Forever and ever and ever...

Never guessed it got this good
Wondered if it ever would
Really didn't think it could
Do it all the time?
I know that we should!!!

This song is amazing. This is how I feel right now, how I've been feeling. I love how music can capture a feeling is such a perfect way. I'm just so very happy. I do not know what else to say. Happiness and love have filled my heart. I could just burst.

Untitled.

"You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does."

- The Smiths

Last night was a terrible night. Started good, middle was wretched, ended descent. Basically, what I feared would happened, happened. Only far worse then I thought possible. I knew he would be mad, but I truly believed he was done making me stupid. I know he says terrible things. But I did not see him being so harsh to make his point. I do not understand why he seems to hate me so much. I know that he is trying to do his best. But from what I have observed about his behaviour compared to the way it is "supposed" to be, it is unbelievable the differences that I see.

I'm so tired of always doing things wrong, and never pleasing him. I thought she was hard to please. I thought she was my enemy. Everyday I spend here I am beginning to see that they are really not all that different. What I was trying to escape, I have found it here. Only it is in a different form.

The Smiths.

"Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm"

- The Smiths.

Why do I feel so alone? All I want is some security. To love and be loved in return. When the day comes that I truly feel that I have found what I am looking for, I will be immensely happy. No words can describe the longing in the pit of my stomach. There is nothing that I desire more then to bring another person happiness, security and to love that person with all my heart till the end of my days.

the cure.

Mmm. The Cure. Their haunting melodies make my heart melt. The perfect way to end a crazy weekend: Sitting under a blanket listening to my The Cure Station on Pandora Radio. Oh, how i enjoy these hauntingly peaceful sounds. I am content with my being.

I added a new piece of metal to my body. I do adore my ear cartilage ring. It has become a part of me.

quite frankly.

I miss you. I care for you. I think about you often. I enjoy being near you. I have trouble sleeping at night because I can not get you off my mind. I wonder if you also think of me. I am crazy about you. I wish I knew how you feel about me. This not knowing for certain is driving me insane. I believe that you are absolutely amazing. I enjoy our little outings ever so much. Every moment I spend by your side is remarkable. I wish they could last forever. You bring a smile to my face every time I see you, think about you, hear about you and talk about you. I can not even say your name without smiling immensely. The sound of your voice is lovely. I could go on and on about how splendid you are.

Quite frankly, It comes down to this: I love you.

Now if only I could muster up the courage to say this to you.

believe.

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for
Its already done

"Believe" by the Bravery.

This song portrays how I have been feeling as of late. I long to find something to live for. I want to be able to feel safe and secure in my relationships.

I want to know how it is that you feel. I know what I am feeling is real. I love you, and that terrifies me deeply. I am petrified of loosing you. The thought makes me cringe and the tears flow from my eyes. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I would spend every moment by your side if I was able to do so. I want to bring you happiness.

My Dear, I love you. I am terrified. I do not know how you feel. I am all together frightened of revealing my feeling to you, for fear of rejection.

I want our love to be the "something to believe in." I never want to be without you.

love.

"Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me all our peaceful melody
It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love."
- Jason Mraz


These lyrics are in my heart and are moving my soul. Love. I truly believe Love is the strongest force in the universe. Love moves people. Love holds all relationships together. Without Love there is no peace. Without Love there is no happiness. There is so much pain, death and heartache in this world. All because so many people have forsaken love.

Love has been linked with weakness. People have begun to believe, if you love then you are weak and worthless. Power is based on hatred and cruelty. There are so few people in leadership that truly Love. Love that is for their neighbor, for the sick, for the needy, for the abandoned. It is so easy to love a person that promises you riches and power. However, for most it is difficult to love the one who can not give you anything but love in return.

When I see someone that truly Loves for the sake of only being loved in return, it brings me to the verge of tears. Knowing that real love exists somewhere in this world gives me the strength to make it through one more day.

December.

Its hard for me to believe that a new month is starting. Where did November go? I also find it hard to believe that another month of blogging has gone by. The experiences I had in November were extraordinary, and some I have yet to see how they will affect my life.

December is by far my favourite month of the year. I adore everything about this month. The cold weather. Sights and Sounds of Christmas, which is coming up this weekend. The hazy skies and the crisp clear skies. Christmas Day. I love spending time with the ones I love, and remembering that God has given us the greatest gift, His son Jesus Christ. I must admit, I do enjoy the giving and receiving of presents as well. New Year's Eve. I love this day. It allows me time to reflect on the past year, and everything it holds. And it makes me wonder, how I will change or remain the same in the coming year.

Yes, this month will be interesting in its own unique way. I am eagerly waiting the new trails and experiences it holds. I am also excited to share those events with you, the people of the world, my friends, my family, and whomever stumbles across this little blog.

the many faces of Darrin.

Alright. This is my baby cousin Darrin. He is adorable, silly, and so much fun to photograph. I love this little guy.