Thursday, October 16, 2008

when things need to be fixed.

Today is a new day, today I thought through some things that have been nagging at my mind. I went to Goodwill and dropped off some clothes, headed to Sonic, bought a half-priced strawberry slushie, then drove to my favorite hang out, Playscape. Being outside in this lovely fall weather really helped clear my head. I walked about Playscape taking photos of the sights that facinated me. I found a nice picnic table and smoked some cigs. There is where I did my thinking.

There are several areas in my life that need fixing. The most important aspect of my life that desperatly needs fixing is my walk with God. I miss feeling close to Him, the way I was when I was younger. I do not know when I started to turn my back on God, but no longer do I want to live like this. All the loniness, sorrow, fear, hopeless, and regret. I no longer want to be a slave to those feelings. All the hurt that I have experienced in my young life, I want God to heal my scares. He is the only one that is capable of healing my broken heart. No boy, drug, alcohol, music, book or friend can fully heal me. Only God can bring me the peace that I so desperatly long for. Only God can silence the screams on my inner demons that tell me I am worthless. Only God can reach down and pluck me out of my darkness. I call out to Him, and I know He hears. I know that with His help alone, can I turn my life around. With His strength alone can I make it through another tragic day. With His love alone can my heart be healed into on piece. Only after God has helped me back on my feet, can I ever be fit to love anyone. From today on, I will with God's love and help turn my life around. I want to be seen as a Child of God, not as a child of the Devil.

I have lived a dishonoring life for far to long. I want my life to be fixed before its to late. I need to be fixed before something horrid happens to me. I want to be a living testimony of the Lord's power.


Ashley said...

I want you to know that I think you're a strong person. I have faith that God will deliver your from the trials you're facing, including events from the past that you're still carrying with you. I know that you head and your heart are in the right place. You WILL get through this. And in the end, you'll find that during the times you thought you were all alone, that you had turned away from God, he was right there. He was filling the empty space you may have created, keeping you near Him. I love you and I'm here for you.

The end. :)

Amanda said...

lSounds like you did quite a deal of thinking, today. It's amazing how much work you can get done by just thinking. I know I have had several of those days, myself.
I'm really proud of you for having a heart that seeks after God; one that understands that nothing else can heal us but Him. What you are feeling now, God will not ignore; He will lift you up (Psalm 51:17).
Don't give up and keep on seeking and drawing closer to Him. He's there and He's waiting and willing to help you! :)

Let me know if you want to talk about anything! I'll pray for you,