Monday, November 3, 2008

rootless tree.

November. A new month. A new month with new adventures. New failures. New heartaches. New happiness. New experiences. New places. New people. Of course that means a whole bunch of new blog posts!

Lately, I have been struggling with a certain thought process. I feel lost, alone at a table of friends, and forgotten. I feel as though I am stumbling blindly through the darkness. My senses are dull, I can hear the muffled voices of those I call friends. I feel as people see right through me, as if I am transparent. Seeing me, but not noticing me. Alone and wanting so much for someone to reach out and take my hand. To lead me back to reality.

I feel like there is no where I belong. I do not fit in anywhere. i am struggling to find my place in the world. I am a rootless tree, longing to find a place where I can take root. To let my roots take hold and grow. Until I find this peace, I will remain restless and uneasy.
I can not shake these feelings, no matter how hard I try. I am stuck in this rut, and I need to get out! i will make it out. I will find my place in the world. i can do anything with God's help. He has a plan for my life. He is in control. I would not want it any other way.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I'm afraid what you're feeling is part of a universal phenomenon which affects all of our generation; it's called growing up.

While we don't seem to talk about the subject much, it's amazing how similar we are in our feelings. I myself have struggled with finding my place, knowing my purpose, and living my life for what it was meant to be.

It can be so frustrating and confusing. It can feel hopeless and very lonely. But, we aren't alone. We both feel it. Everyone feels it.

I look at the people that I admire the most: artists, musicians, those who have accomplished much in my eyes. They seem to have the whole world in their hands. But, you know what? They are just as lost, just as discontent as you and I.

I think it comes down to this: no matter what we have, where we go, or who we love, we will never truly be satisfied. C.S. Lewis said this: “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

I think we must consider what Lewis said to be truth. Maybe we will never feel at home, until we are home.

No doubt, God has a plan. We were put on this earth for a reason. To not live life according to His will and word would be a mistake on our part. But, maybe it comes to the point where striving reaches its end and we must stop and let God take control.

Just some things for both of us to think about. :)

Love you,